the things they carry

My friend Y, recently wrote a beautifully poignant blog about the hard things we carry. I guess it hit home for me. The last couple of weeks have been hard on me, and my heart, but despite the load I carry (which I’ll probably write about later), it’s hard to watch the people I love go through difficult things. In a way you hope that you can carry some of the burden, but really the weight will always be heaviest with them. As a result, I see all these emotions they are feeling with an inability to feel them myself. Maybe this is my defense mechanism so I can hold it together. But I do predict that sometime next week or the week after, it will all catch up to me, and I’ll have myself a good cry. Maybe then it will be lighter. I only hope until then that I can hold hands and be a support to the heavy lifters.

My mother and grandmother
My Great Aunt Alice passed away this week.

My sister
A co-worker friend was in a car accident over the weekend and he passed away this week.

My roommate
For the past five months my roommate has been battling stomach cancer.
Yesterday, we found out that a nephew of hers was shot and killed while coming home from work.

My friend
My friend T’s father, whom I adore, has had several bouts with a couple of different kinds of cancer. The most recent was a small, metastasized lump in his hand from his renal cancer from ten years ago. A few months ago he was given a clean bill of health. However, after a check-up this weekend, they believe the spot they have been watching in his kidney cavity is growing.

You are all in my heart, and I hope the burden will be eased, or shareable soon.