feast or famine

I don’t understand the recent rollercoaster-like fluctuations in my dating life. Why is it that I either stand in a barren wasteland of male availability, or an anxiety-producing oasis spring with endless possibilities? The anxiety in the midst of Eden comes because none of the recent wave of men that has hit my shores in the last 48-hours are ideal matches for what I am ultimately looking for in a relationship. (FYI: the 48-hours has come after several months of barren wasteland.)

Let’s do a quick run down: We have E, who has great stats and we seem to want similar things out of life, but currently he lives in Florida. Then we have an LA contender, another E who is ten years younger than me; tried that, not sure I want to do it again. There’s J who is a great friend, and we have fabulous chemistry whenever we hang out (i.e. last night with too many drinks, and too late of a night for a midweek excursion), but I am all too aware of his commitment issues, and other foibles, the danger of considering the oft too-well-known friend possibility. Then there is C, who is also a friend; there was a moment when I had a thing for him, but it was just a very small blip on the radar, and actually a moment is much too long to describe the infatuation. But now it seems the tables are turned. He also was at the too-late-night-with-too-many-drinks get together of last eve, and when he walked me to my car, and we went to exchange the customary hug, he took the opportunity to kiss me; not the familiar kiss on the cheek, no, he planted one right on my lips. What was that about!?! I’m chalking it up to the alcohol, but I know he had nowhere near the amount that he is capable of consuming; two drinks on him is the equivalent of a ginger ale. Oh well, I won’t try too hard to understand that one. As if my head wasn’t spinning enough, this morning I received a phone call from my McDreamy, S. S and I have dated on and off again since February. I find him very physically attractive: the epitome of tall, dark and handsome with a pinch of ruggedness thrown in for good measure. And I have to say we have great chemistry, but as far as the other components of attraction that is where it ends.

This is where the sad twist to the story is introduced. None of these guys has a sprinkling of potential when compared to D. D and I also started dating in February, and at the point when the tide was turning us to a more serious path, to both of our dismay, life bombarded him with some extreme issues that had to have his undivided attention. It is now coming up on two months since we have spoke. I miss him, but I understand what he is dealing with is big, and I have maintained my distance.

In a previous relationship involvement, my friend A made a comment, “Well, it sounds like you have found Mr. Right, or at least Mr. Right Now.” I internally bristled at the comment, but smiled at A, knowing the touch of cynicism is the norm for my gay Jewish friend. The thing that made me bristle was the idea that all relationships have an expiration date attached: get what you need from it for now, but don’t expect it to last. It turned out A was correct, R was much more Mr. Right Now. However, I’m not ready to have expiration dates printed on all my relationships. I am very hopeful, despite all the opposing evidence that I will find the relationship I desire. But I have to say... Mr. Right Now is looking pretty good.